Saturday, 10 September 2011


I’ve been holding the impulse to post random thoughts that passes through this erratic head of mine. There’s something panicky about knowing that people are reading what i write. Maybe judging, scrutinising or perhaps disappointed when they expect something else. I’m not saying my blog is good enough to have critics already. It’s just that writers are sensitive about what bullshits they write. Not that I’m saying I’m a writer. Hmmmm.. Now i sounded like some nervous teen with low self esteem. If I was in an interview I’m out right there. Crap!

Anyways, today i feel like writing what my mind says about my mind. Yes, The Mind and the voices. For me, there are three voices inside my head. Well, actually it’s four. I didn’t count the annoying fourth which sometimes sing “Baby, baby, baby...ohhhhhh”  in an out of tune imitation of Bieber.  Uh oh, here it goes again! Shut up girly voice!! Okay , breathe. Where was i? Yea, the voices.

The three main characters in my head are:
1)      The Good Voice
2)      The Bad Voice
3)      The Narrator

The Good voice is mainly the conscience part. This voice made me spend a lot of money on beggars. It often made me pay extras to rickshaw drivers too. It makes me look like a dumbo often. I’m really not sure whether to love or hate this voice.

The Bad Voice sucks! The reason for all the skeleton in my closet. It’s often horny too. I blame it for making me heartless. It keep on telling me to chill, not to worry, that it’z not the end of the world, not to care about it. And most often i listen to it and stop caring. This makes me a bad person. Like not caring to call the folks, not caring about my job, not caring to clean my room :) , not caring to wake up early. I know this might sound like laziness. Whatever it is, it’s the Bad Voice’s fault.

The last one, The Narrator. It stays in the neutral zone mostly. More better than any sport commentator for me. It’s funny, witty and keeps on yapping. And i love talking to it when no one is around. Right now, it's telling me i just revealed i got a screw missing in my head. Whatever!

Most often this Narrator has a male voice, husky voice. Currently, it’s Dexter Morgan’s voice. I guess watching all 5 seasons of Dexter  in a row did affect my delicate brain. I like his voice. I hope it stays.

Sometimes it takes sides. It tells me to listen to the good and be brave. At other times, it tells me to listen to the bad and be smart. And i’ve been to some murky path in life, this voice is the one that pulled me out everytime. It made me see the funny side in everything. I knew that i will be alright as long as it never leaves me. Okay, now it’s telling me that line was very pitiable, sloppy and sad. Screw you Dexter! I’ve got rights to write whatever i want!!

So.. There they are, the voices in my head, speaking English, Manipuri and occasional Hindi. Doesn’t that make you wonder about the way the mind communicates? I mean i got languages i know but what if i was a Tarzan? Alright, let’s say Tarzani (female). What if i don’t know any languages? What does the mind speak? It’s complex ain’t it?

The mind is complex. Intuitions, instinct and other creepy things you felt must be the mind trying to process from the surrounding data available and making you aware of it since it can’t find specific medium to let you know. You only felt a hunch.  So Tarzan must have survived by instincts and hunches. Perhaps, all animals do too.  Or maybe for the animals, memory transfer through DNA is the key. No. I shouldn’t probe too far or else eating them might start to feel like a crime. Can’t let that happen.

What i’m trying to say is languages are important. The mind, vast and unorganised is channelled into a good understandable orderly output when it talks. A steady flow of useful information (well useful in some cases). This makes me wonder whether learning a lot of languages makes a person smarter? In my state, English speaking people seem to act pretty smart. At times, over smart. But i believe that language is important for the voices in the head. Any language will do. Provided the mind formed the thoughts in words which the person can understand in clarity. Wow. I felt like i just brainstorm something here. The narrator is laughing though. And Della is hungry. Off to eat now. Later. Baby, baby, baby.. ohhhhh... :D


  1. Frankly speaking! my babe is all confused.. a confused soul indeed!! :-)


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