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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Dark Alley


Shadows crept across the wall and he waited till the darkness consumed the alley. He listened to the footsteps of the people intently. Both hand in his pockets. His fingers slowly caressing the sharp tip of his knife, waiting for an opportunity that he knew will eventually come tonight.



She walked happily down the street thinking about the raise she got today. She can’t wait to tell her husband all about it. Her bag was filled with candies for the two lovely daughters, orange juice and lots of fresh meat which she will cook perfectly for her perfect family.

She was just passing by one corner when she felt a sharp pain on her back. The knife penetrated her spine and almost paralysed her. In no time the floor was painted with her blood.
It’s my blood!, she realised in shock.

 She couldn’t believe what was happening to her. She screamed for help but there was no one around. She fell on the ground gasping for breath and looked at her murderer for the first time. At the corner of the street holding the blood stained knife with a weird smile was her husband. And everything faded.



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This post was for

First Campaigner Challenge



The Challenge was:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
  • include the word "orange" in the story
  • write in the same genre you normally write
  • make your story 200 words exactly!
I'm at number 135. vote for me here . And as usual trying hard to write a story. Hope i didn't suck that bad :P

37 comments:

  1. It's a very nicely written story. Dark it is.

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  2. shadows crept across the wall of white painted room. the shadow form the shape of the BIG F A T man, the belly looks like a man who just swallowed a basketball or three pumpkins. the guy is in the room where the shadow just entered is listening to his iPod. in the table where is laptop. beside his laptop were the unopened vodka bottle he bought earlier. he bought Orange thinking it was lemon. the shadow is upset to see the orange. he creeps through the wall to drink a glass of whiskey. the shadow checks everywhere but couldn't find the whiskey. he checks the laptop and read a blog and laugh of loud, realizing he have spent enough time on the blog the shadow turn off the screen and everything faded.. :)

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    1. haha.. show off! but a really good one!

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  3. ACK!!! Nice writing--I have a soft stomach and it got my gag reflex with the blood/murder thing! And good twist at the end. I definitely didn't expect that!

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    1. haha.. sorry for making it an "ACK!!" i wanted a small twist and so the husband became the bad guy

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  4. love the short thing. Well-written, has the mystery that unfolds with a surprise element, but explains it all without saying it. Love the drama.

    http://styledestino.blogspot.com

    http://www.indiblogger.in/blogger/40195/

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    1. Thanks for reading it!

      you got a very stylish blog :D

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  5. Woah! What a twist!

    Mine is not nearly as good, but perhaps you'd like to visit anyway: #59.

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    1. thanks Treelight! and i'm checking out yours right away!

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  6. Backstabbing jerk. Hopefully there's more to this story so that guy can be stopped, right? Amiright? Nice one! :)

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    1. hehe.. Yeah i could make him kill his two daughters too and make him commit suicide! (I'm horrible!)

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  7. Wow! As heart wrenching as it is, you did an awesome job! Off to vote for you. I'm #61.

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    1. thanks Christy. I'll vote for you too. And all the best :)

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  8. Creepy - but well written. Nice work!

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  9. Did not expect that to be her husband! nice surprise!

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  10. I love it.. DARK :D :D
    good luck...

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  11. Ahh it was her HUSBAND!? Poor girl!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!! Very dark and creepy!! Great job!

    I'm entry #19

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    1. thanks Jess! i'm gonna check out yours now :)

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  12. Okay, this gave me the creeps & intrigued me as well. Her husband? I want to read more. Nicely done. New follower too.

    FYI: You're one of the top 5 I picked in the group I'm judging & have been shortlisted to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Congrats.

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    1. OMG OMG! REALLY!!?! how wonderful! thanks a ton! i'm eager to write more!

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  13. Woah! This was creepy! This gave me chills! Nice job! :) I'm voting for you! And by the way, I'm a new follower. :)

    I'm #37

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    1. thanks! i just voted for u too! amazing story u wrote! \m/

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  14. wooaaahhh.. someone's got so many readers!!!

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    1. lmao.. you're mistaken.. i took part in this competition so my link is in display. hence the so called one time readers! :P BTW.. did ya vote? :P

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  15. Yes, I knew what was coming, but I NEVER suspected that it would be her husband. Totally shocked me! And I loved being shocked. Nicely written and well executed. I'm a new follower and entry #96.

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    1. thanks Nancy! your tragic love was so nice to read.. i'm following you back.. and good luck :)

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  16. I like your idea for this blog, distasteful as it sounds. I hope you continue writing. Its such a rewarding expression.

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    1. such a rewarding comment :) thank you! i will try to continue writing!

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  17. You could make this into a much longer story. Good writing.

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  18. WOW. Didn't expect that twist. Scary.

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  19. Thanks S.P. Bowers and Traci Kenworth. appreciate your visit. :)

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  20. Enjoyed this entry. Ouch, what a twist!

    Melissa Maygrove #149.

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  21. A bit late, but Wow, what a great story!

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Feel free to leave a comment. I always reply ;)