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Monday, 30 December 2013

2013




The year 2013 is about to come to an end. It’s only fitting that i’m back in my home-town right now. Reminding myself that no matter how long i take or how far i stray i’ll always have a place to come home to.

This was a year of many “ my first time” shits. I did things i never thought i would. I tried new stuffs which not all were good. I even had my first surgery (though it was a very very minor one). I lied more than any other years that i remembered. I can even say i’ve partially gone “the dark side” now. Made many new friends too. I changed.

Though i’ve lost interest in reading or writing for now i know in the coming years i might change my mind again. That’s one of the things i’m really good at. Changing minds. Yes. So i won’t be saying goodbye to my blog just yet.


As the New Year approaches i can’t help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. It’s like a BIG present which i can’t wait to open. Hoping it will have lotsa exciting new things in store for me. And hope it has lotsa exciting things in store for YOU too. Happy New YEAR! And babye to the old one, 2013 you will be remembered !


Thursday, 14 November 2013

100. Write coz no one listen

In my line of work, I have to talk to a lot of people everyday. Some are real bitches. I imagine myself stabbing them a thousand times in my mind or pouring gasoline in their filthy mouth and setting it on fire. These images made talking politely to them much easier. However,  now and then I'll come across people who are real gems. They inspire and touch your life and they change the way you perceive the world. And so I keep learning new things everyday. New lessons and new stories.

On one such talk a few days ago, I came across a sweet lady writer. She was a retired school teacher who wrote a book containing short stories. She even let me read one of the chapters. And it was something she said that I just can’t seem to forget. She said "I write because no one is free to sit and listen to my stories." Everyone is busy and there's lots of stories she wanted to share.

And I guess that's true for most writers. We write because we want to share our stories. We want to put it out in the world, in hope that someday somewhere someone will read them. The readers don't even have to like what we wrote. We just need someone to read what we have to say.

I'm not a real writer (whatever that means). I'm not dedicated enough to sit and write a book. Or to maintain a routine on what and when to write. I write as I please, when I please, ignoring the expression "please!" from some critics( here by critics I mean my blood relations so I guess it doesn't really count). Anyways, I'm not a serious writer as of now. I'm learning. I'm taking my sweet time to mature and gain life experiences. I'm exploring new paths and options that may sound a little unconventional to people. In short, I'm sinning a lot. Because what I've realized in this past couple of years is that nothing lasts forever (Guns N' Roses were the brilliant prophets if you ask me.)


Yes, Nothing lasts Forever! And so being a saint is a waste of life. All exciting things in life are often a crime. I'm not making much sense now, am I? Must be due to sleep deprivation. I even forgot what was the point of this post. Oh yea, the writers. Well folks, people come people live people die. As long as we're alive we have room to make one more mistake and thereby create one new memory. This is the 100th post of Gracy's Garbage. And I'm just reminding myself why I write. I found there are more than a hundred reasons.





Monday, 14 October 2013

My first wedding

Did I mention that I'm already married? Well “almost married”. The story happened 20 years ago when I was 8 years old. Me and this boy next door under the influence of child stupidity was made to play a part of the wedding couple. (It wasn’t child marriage, FYI)

As I remember, the sisters were annoyingly happy about the whole thing. Yes, they married me off to a boy of same age one sunny Saturday afternoon to ward off boredom. And they never let me forget.

 The wedding was arranged and attended by four annoying sisters, counting both sides. They then invited 2 other adult who didn't show, despite desperate attempts to pull them and tug them on their wrist. A total of four female craziness and one silly couple. They arranged white stuff for me to wear. Lines for me to say. They made him wear his Sunday school outfit. And there we were standing, ready and dressed for the wedding.

The elder sister of the groom played the minister who was supposed to wed us. And though the groom backed out when the puppet master asked him to put the ring on me, I still considered myself married that day.. Or should I be worried that the groom left me at the altar 20 years ago. Lol. This is kinda confusing.

Anyways, a few months after that wedding, errrr.. I mean "almost" wedding, our sweet neighbor shifted their house and I've never seen them since.

 He was the one I played my toys with or wrestle or climb walls. While my sisters love to play with pots and pans with his sisters, I always prefer to run around with him. One can even say he was my best friend.

So when I knew that they were shifting their house far away, my little mind was very confused. I think that's why I wrote my first love letter. It was more of a goodbye letter stating how much I'll miss him.

His parents got hold of the letter somehow and when my parents visited them that night, they read it out loud and laughed till they shit. It wasn't embarrassing at all. It almost killed me. That must have been my first heart break? Who knows what I felt. I was too young. But now that I think about it, it explained why I had commitment issue for a long time. Hmmm.. Interesting..

He never replied. I guess he was still too young to feel anything. (Jerk)

Wondering why I’m babbling about this now? Coz 20 years later he found me. He found me in facebook a few weeks ago. I barely recognized him or in this case his profile picture. But I remembered his name. After all how could I ever forget the name of my “almost” first husband? We chatted, we reminisced, we connected.  He said he wish he have a time machine. From what I know, he’d grown to be a fine man with sensitivity and integrity, dedicating his life to the work of God.

I hesitate a little before writing this post. I don't want him to read this. But then I realize he doesn't know me. And I don’t know him. What I remember of him is not the person who he is right now. And neither am i. That girl 20 years ago was a version of me which I don't even recognize.  And so maybe he will never know about this blog too. So under the influence of cannabis and some sexy music, I'm writing and posting this blog post.

And dear ex-boy-next-door, if you're reading this, I did love you once. But you're 20 years too late :)


Tuesday, 25 June 2013

The devil kept my soul



I played with the Devil and he kept my soul.
I tried to be nice but felt so wrong.
Now I’m just a puppet dancing in his tune.
Evil felt so good though I’m forever lost.

- Della



Sunday, 5 May 2013

Life @ BPO



“This is your honeymoon stage!”, said the trainer for the second time. She suppressed a giggle. She had been doing that a lot lately, suppressing laughter when she should be rolling on the floor. It was the 3rd week of her training. Life at BPO was a breath of fresh air comparing to all the uncertainties she faced in the past couple of months. People are less serious, dresses are less formal and it was easy to slip in the background when she doesn’t wanna be noticed.  

 There was always someone or the other to entertain her thoughts. Be it the weirdo who loves stealing water bottle, the Shaktiman who kept calling her crazy, the cockroach eater who tends to pull her hair, the girl who likes poking her to provoke a response or the hyperactive boy who likes playing with people’s chair. The team have all sorts of people. And now they were listening intently to what the trainer had to say about the incentives and bonus the company had to offer. No sleepy eyes this time!

It was Friday night and they were all in very good moods. The tall trainer had explained that training period is the fun part and there they refer it as “The Honeymoon Stage”. She can’t help but compare the jokes that go around inside the room with that of her former work environment. For a start it was much more funnier though vulgar at times. A freedom that was not there in her previous life. Among other things.

She knew this life won’t last. But she had always wanted to experience life at BPO and work on night shifts. Keeping a mental note to cross out this item from her bucket list, her attention shifted to “the friend” who speaks with his eyebrows. He was looking a little tensed since he was giving a presentation and answering questions, thereby making his expression more cartoony. He kept on repeating “It’s for the Customer’s Satisfaction”. She suppressed her laughter again almost killing her this time. “This is going to be harder than i thought”, she mused.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

He's my Gold


Not pretentious, certainly not malicious.
A gentle breed of rare kind, he’s my gold.

Had trouble befell me, a sword he’ll carry.
Always my saviour, he kept me whole.

Madness in his stories, explaining weird theories.
Laughter lies around him, he’s here to shine.

Honest and simplicity, foiling his duplicity
A reason why I love him, he’s my own.

- by Gracy

Saturday, 16 February 2013

A ghostly affair


The chair creaks ever so silently. The light flickers gently. A soft moan touches the air of the hallway. She knows that no one was sitting at the chair, no one visible that is. It was just another normal night at Nikki's apartment. She stared at the empty seat for a few second and continued to read her novel though she sensed a pair of eyes watching her.

She had known for a while now that her apartment was haunted. She doesn't mind them anymore. At this point of life, she doesn't mind anything at all.

Nikki is 36 and single, living alone in an apartment which she bought 8 years ago. She’s a loner who once thought she found love, but he ended up being a gay and she decided to stay away from men. She never went to any invites when her relatives try to connect. She had stopped pretending to live a happy life long ago.

It had been 3 years now when she first got a subtle doubt that she wasn’t alone in her apartment. That day she was watching a comedy series on TV and she distinctly heard someone laughing from behind her sofa. Occasionally she would hear whispers and footsteps. As time passed by they become less secretive more bold in their ghostly affairs.

By now she have adapted to them being around. It doesn’t spook her anymore. She had reasoned herself into believing that she won’t freak out as long as they don’t show her any disfigured bloodied face.

She had one complaint though. They took things without asking. “Why touch my things when you don’t even need them!” she would shout in the air, frustrated. They always give it back though, after a few days or weeks.

She closed her novel and removed her glasses. The chair made a sound again.
“Tomorrow i will start a new novel and read it out loud”, she mumbled and yawned.

As she turn off the lights, nested her head comfortably in her pillow, slowly transcending into oblivion she hear a soft whisper saying “Goodnight”.


Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Bye Bye 2012


There’s a certain beauty when things come to an end. Certain charm and calmness associated with a loss, no matter how grave. As the believers finally realized that the Mayans had been trolling the world for a long time and as 2012 steadily passed by giving us the middle finger, we have no other choice but to look forward to our future with a little sense of foreboding and a little hope. For we know not what plan is in store. Or if there’s a plan at all.

Looking back at my year i see more chaos than glory. More death and fear haunting the country. Our small State in a verse of communal violence. Right now the only happy memory i recall of the year 2012 was when Hulk smashed Loki. Boy, that felt soooo good.  The only other happy moment was when i quit my job. Good riddance!

I spent my free time discovering myself but i’m still lost. I did things that i always wanted to do but i still want more. And that’s the beauty of being alive..the incompleteness..

It’s 1:45 am in Bangalore, India. It’s the New Year, 2013. May it bring exciting new things with colors and speed. God Bless.